November has been rough. My FMS, which thrives in colder weather, has been stalking my days, turning simple tasks into massive challenges. At the end each day I find myself puzzling over how I could achieve so little and yet feel so depleted. Day after day of this can take a toll on one’s morale. It’s the “chronic” and not the “pain” part of a chronic pain disorder that is the real kicker.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. This is the time of year we stop to give thanks, not to whine about stuff! I am thankful to God for the fact that I never have to worry that my FMS will cause irreparable tissue damage, or give me dementia, or make my hair fall out, or destroy any of my organs. I am fundamentally healthy and that is no small blessing!
I am also so thankful that Ross and I are in a position where I don’t have to go out and get a job! In my experience, flexibility and autonomy are great weapons to have in the fight against chronic pain. (If I was making a list, hot baths would also be near the top! ) There have been times in my life that I didn’t have those things (the first two, not the hot baths), and there will probably be times in my future when I won't, but this season of life has been a wonderful gift!
Truly, this fibromyalgia flare-up reminds me that there is so much to be grateful for. Now that I have six years of this behind me I can look back and see God’s faithfulness through it all. I had so many fears when I first got that diagnosis. I was afraid that I would be financially ruined and forced to live in poverty. Didn’t happen. I was afraid my friends would get so annoyed with my constantly backing out of plans that they would abandon me. Didn’t happen. I was afraid that I would never meet a wonderful man who would want to marry me and my only companions through the years would be my cats. Didn’t happen. I was afraid I could never have a satisfying life, a life I could be proud of. I was so wrong!
The lessons FMS has to teach are ones I have been slow to learn, but I am learning this - the fears we hear in our heads are usually lies, and our God is always, always good!