Friday, February 03, 2012

This is Hard

Yesterday Remy's Service Coordinator/Developmental Specialist cancelled on us. It was the fourth time. She has only seen Remy three times. I emailed her supervisor and told her that I need to know what our options are because I can't rely on our SC/DS anymore.

When I started EI I felt so encouraged that we weren't going to go through this alone, and when they assigned so many services I felt gratified that they seem to take Remy's well being as seriously as we do, but now, more than 60 days in with so little to show for it, I feel totally deflated.

Everyone says that jumping in early with therapy is the key to the best outcome, but what have we done? Remy completed a wooden puzzle (practically kicking and screaming) and learned how to put plastic coins in a musical piggy bank. He is still having a really hard time with "more" and yesterday he couldn't even say his one word correctly. I feel so under-qualified for this. I can love him and feed him and read him stories, we cuddle and tickle and play peek a boo, I wash his hair and clip his nails and do all the things a good mom is supposed to do and I still feel like I am failing him.

On the brighter side, a speech therapist friend from my online mommy group recommended a book about ABA therapy and it is in the mail. I have tried ABA a couple of times and it didn't go well so I am hoping this book will show me what I did wrong and how to start up again. I am also reading Temple Grandin's Thinking in Pictures and it is fascinating and very informative. I am learning so much about Autism and growing so much in compassion for those effected.

Here's to a better day today!

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds...  -Hebrews 19-24


Steph said...

oh Kimmy, hoping EI gets their act together. AGH!

Daddy said...

You must be very anxious, feeling your missing precious days, but in any program there's going to be some slippage at the start.
More important, your love and devotion are giving Remy reassurance and every opportunity for interaction and responsiveness. Sorry, that we just can't be sure whether Remy will be talking next month or next year. Maybe that awareness can help you be less rather than more stressed.