There are six things that vex the preacher; yea seven that are an abomination to him: A screaming child, a ringing cell phone, men that line up for hugs, expensive microphones that fail to work, feet that flee during closing prayer, watches that beep on every hour, and the mother who nurses in the front row.
-Scott and Laurie Pederson
Few are the ways, but many are the words Willow Creek uses to explain that visitors don't have to clean out their wallets during the offering.
Mightier is he who finds a legitimate first-row parking space than he who sneaks into single-parent parking without a permit.
Trust in the traffic team completely and do not attempt to go your own way. Obey their instructions and they will make your paths straight.
Here are a couple that are a little dated, but still cute.
The waiting place of the righteous is a tree in the main lobby, for he who invites seeking friends is wise.
Do not look with disdain on those with tattoos and many piercings, for they are the Axis on which the future of the church will turn.
Wasn't the Monthly great? Remember Mr. Newsletter person? And the comics? Those were the days. Heck, I've got nothing to do, I'll scan a couple of the comics for you. The first one is from December '95 and the second one is from May '96.